12:06 - Dec. 09, 2003
i want to break your heart and give you mine
Last night I watched the final finale of Dawson's Creek. I had to keep drinking great swigs of water to swallow down the lump in my throat. Not because Jen died, but because I just kept thinking how Dad will probably not die in such a nice looking hospital, or without choking on some disgusting lung mucus like my Grandma did, or with tinkling music in the background making the whole poignant scene more palatable.
You know I don't say a word when my friends smoke, not because I don't want to but because I silence that voice inside that is actually pleading with them to stop. And I hate the dramatic protesting person that makes me, like the crying girl in the advert whose Dad is dying, the Ricki Lake, Jerry Springer character who takes the moral high ground (oh but my father is dying of cancer due to the evils of SMOKING!) to preach and tell people what to do. I just don't want to see anyone else I love go through this. It's just shit. And the thing about smoking is that it's just so fucking pointless, beyond making you look cool.
And something else. Don't be offended by the word cunt. Be offended by the adverts on TV, be offended by the celebrities who sold out to market coca cola and GAP. Be pissed off about kids who suck their teeth at you for no reason other than they are too chicken to say to your face whatever it is about you that offends them. Be angry about the bastards who take things from other people, who hit and stab and kill for a few quid. Be offended by the online diaries that tell you nothing more than "2day I saw Jamie n we went 2 tha mall" with all the soul of a DFS advert. But cunt? It's just a word, and my boss is one.
