13:32 - Aug. 11, 2003
if i could sleep forever
this morning i went to the doctor. he was lovely. has given me cipralex, signed me off work for 2 weeks and is arranging some counselling for me. so even though the cipralex is making me fairly nauseous right now, knowing that i'm not coming into work again for two weeks is just great. i can go home, help mum and dad, hopefully visit gayna and gemma and just calm down.
i told l about the 2 weeks off work, and she said blimey... this was on msn and i just knew, then, not to tell her about the rest of it. not to tell anyone i don't have to or who i know wouldn't understand. why is it still so taboo?
i get the feeling i'm not going to write much for a while. not just because i'll be at home and probably offline, but because these SSRIs or whatever they're called have a habit of making me just bleh. but that's fine. i think.
now i'm not sure. my hands are shaking and i just feel sick of everything. i don't want to feel anything at all, numbness or misery. just nothing at all.
