1:35 p.m. - 2002-10-29
all i need
Arse. Don't you hate it when everything you wrote gets lost?
No more coke. That is it for me. I can't do it anymore - it is making bad things happen in my head and it's got to stop. It makes me paranoid and daft, and upsets my tummy. Drugs were meant to be fun, weren't they?
Claire came over last night - and told me she can't commit to getting a flat with me, said it didn't feel right. After she left, I had a little cry. Because I am a super-sensitive girlie girl who wants someone to want to live with me, even if my boy doesn't. I made the mistake of speaking to my dad, and mentioned I might go up to Chris's (at 9pm this was) and he asked "are you a bit fed up?". This is always a lethal thing for either him or mum to say, as it causes instant runny eyes, lumpy throat and lack of voice. Note to self - stop talking to parents when feeling down.
So I did go to C's. I'd called him and told him about Claire, and he said why didn't I come over, and at least be with him and Emma T and the kitty, rather than sitting in on my own, feeling like a right billy. It was nice, snuggling up to him before falling asleep is always good.
Work is sucking ass at the moment. There are a couple of blokes who I just want to slap. Trying to be calm and composed though.
So all I need really, is to give up cocaine, get a new job and a titchy bedsit for one? :o$
